Let's be Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I'm the Pat Benatar clone.

I'm Spic-oli, and I've been cancelled.

I'm the quart of sperm that comes out.

I'm checkerboard Vans slip-ons.

I'm the abortion scene. I was scripted, but never filmed, so I'm not onscreen.

I'm Taylor Negron delivering pizza to Spicoli, enraging Mr. Hand.

I’m the pirate hat that Brad chucks out of his car window after finally realizing what a dork he looks like.

I’m the two other Pat Benatar clones

I'm Mike Damone's erect penis that got cut out of the movie.

I'm the carrot sticks that Stacy and Linda practiced blowjobs on.

I'm Eric Stoltz and Nicolas Cage, who were basically extras, but became bigger than the stars of this movie.

I'm the Sherman Oaks Galleria, the quintessential 80's mall. Of course I look nothing like that now.

Eric Stoltz became bigger than Sean Penn, Judge Reinhold, and Jennifer Jason-Leigh?

I’m the completely absent parents.

We are the extras in the high school scenes who look like they're 35 even though we are in our late teens.

I am Phoebe Cates’ red bikini.

I’m the stereo salesman who bangs high school chicks.

I'm Nicholas Coppola. I will go on to big things, but right now, I thank God I am a Coppola.

I’m the word “fag” used throughout.

excuse me for spelling my own name wrong.

I’m the 100% Guaranteed Breakfast

I'm the Pat Benatar clone who is Bruce Springsteen's sister in real life.

I am the guy that Spicoli knows.

I’m Ratner’s wallet, left at home.

I'm the hell of a piss Arnold was having as Brad was dealing with the male Karen.

I'm Lana Clarkson. I play a teacher's shockingly hot wife. I would later be murdered.