Let's unpack this.
[quote] Dear fans and followers,
= Dear Turds
[quote] I wanted to make a wee community announcement.
I wanted to make a twee global statement.
[quote] I couldn't help but notice
I'm obsessed 2/7 with my personal image and driving my PR team crazy
[quote] There has been lots of, let's call it speculation for now, about my private life and professional partnerships.
Everyone thinks I'm either a classic closet case, or a dysfunctional mummer
[quote] It has come to such a point
The PR team is tired of the 3AM weeping calls.
[quote] We are living in an age of social enlightenment.
I've been drinking.
[quote] More and more, people are realising that their views may have been blinkered
My copies of the Daily Mail are tear sodden.
[quote] Even your most conservative of negative assumptions about both my personal and professional life just aren't true.
Even if I don't know myself, stop taking notes on my behaviour.
[quote] Let's embrace this age of social enlightenment together, and move forward with positivity.
I shall shriek in a town square if you don't. I swear I will.
[quote] I am very happy in love, and in life.
This screed is proof of it. And if don't buy it, I'm at least I'm stinking rich, which is the next best thing.
[quote] If you can't bring yourself to be happy with me, then at the very least try to do yourself proud and be the best version of yourself.
There's a fattie in me that I have to fight every day.
